The Miracle of Forgiveness...
The quality of mercy is not strain’d
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
~ Portia, The Merchant Of Venice ~
A growing body of research on forgiveness finds that those who forgive are more likely than the general population to have:
- Fewer episodes of depression
- Higher self-esteem
- More friends
- Closer relationships
- Longer marriages
- Lower blood pressure
- Fewer stress-related health issues
- Better immune system function
- Lower rates of heart disease
The literal translation of the Aramaic word for ‘forgive’ is to ‘untie.’
Forgiveness is a choice. An enduring theme in much of Shakespeare’s work and certainly implicit in the above quote from Portia’s speech, forgiveness and mercy are virtues belonging to those of a brave heart.
As it is with love, the riddling mystery in all of this is that to truly “do it,” we must first forgive ourselves. Once we are able to fathom that forgiveness is really for the one that forgives, and that by the act of forgiving we are forgiven, we are unequivocally freed. It doesn’t mean we should tolerate or ignore what has been done (or what we perceive to have been done), but rather serves to release (or untie) us from the negativity and pain that binds us to the situation or the person that is causing us pain.
But don’t be too hard on yourself. Forgiveness is a process. It requires awareness and ultimately a shift in thinking. There is a relationship to grief in the act of forgiveness. And in the journey toward the necessary acknowledgment of pain and loss, we inevitably confront the face of anger. Yep—scary. But not insurmountable, especially when we get that it is more than likely just a story we have been telling ourselves, and that is much easier to suck it up and step through the fear than stay put.
Hints:
We do not need to wait for an apology to forgive
We do not need to “forget” to forgive
This implies a denial, a suppression (we do not need to excuse or tolerate injustice or cruel/ bad behavior)
Forgiveness is separate from any religious dogma
So have mercy, for it is like a gentle rain. With no strings attached or conditions implied, give up any claim you might feel you have to exact retribution or punishment. Let go of the distortions created by the emotional bondage of fear, hate or of thoughts of revenge.
Forgive.
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